Christians weren’t my favourite people. Including my relatives.
For around two decades, I had deliberately wondered away from the Lord. Disillusioned with the church, disillusioned with trying to be a Christian, and believing that many non-Christians were actually better people than many Christians I knew.
I found it too difficult to live a Christian life and had come to the conclusion that God did not exist. I did not want to live a duel life, so I gave up.
Over time I formed the opinion that there was no spirit dimension to life. It was all the power of the mind. I could follow anyone and anything, and come to convince myself that this was the way.
My conclusion was none of this God stuff was real. After all, anybody could make this stuff up and believe it in their head, it just takes brainwashing.
At times I had some life questions about Christ, but the answers, regardless of how scriptural, never made any sense and plunged my mind into deeper ‘God Lockout’.
For a long time I had hated and dismissed everything associated with God. Work was enjoyable, I was involved in various sporting activities, I didn’t need God in my life.
Then something strange but wonderful happened. I regard it as a miracle! I don’t know how or why, but God elected to send his spirit into my life. What I do know, is that over a period of about 5 days in the first week of June 2014, I had a series of ‘awakenings’.
Somehow, I was able to put my academic questions of Christianity aside as God worked on my spirit and heart. You see, God had to get around my mind, my thick headed stubbornness. God performed a miracle and opened my heart.
Somehow, over these 5 days the Spirit of God slowly drew me near to him. Previously, I was blind to the things of God and hated everything about it. This was a miracle.
I had no plan to search for God. He searched for me. By the Friday of that week in June this culminated in a flood of tears and release of sin in my life as I accepted Jesus into my life. All I had to do was come with a contrite heart and ask.
The truth of the matter was that I am a sinful man and as I sinned I drifted further and further from the Lord. At the heart of my sinfulness there was arrogance, selfishness, anger, lust, stubbornness, crankiness, impatience, a foul mouth and an ever growing hate and absolute disdain for God and anything Godly.
And then God just loved me. Amazing! Humbled, I was now heart-washed not brain-washed.
If it wasn’t for a praying and concerned wife, that didn’t give up, I wouldn’t be here today. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for loving, praying and patient relatives.
God’s timing is perfect but it took a little time and some pain along the way. God used many other people across many facets of my life.
See, Christians aren’t that bad after all. Thank you.
This is an abbreviated version of Phil’s amazing testimony. To see it in full, click here.